Random Thoughts on Loving
By Roger L. Whiting
Recently, I once again had lunch with one of my closest friends. We do not meet often because our lives generally lead us in different directions. Yet, when we do meet we always have plenty to discuss. We haven't yet delved deeply into the subject, but I know that we both believe that love is the basis of successful human interaction. There is little doubt that love is the most powerful force that makes our lives both fulfilling and meaningful.
There is tremendous significance in that belief whether you are Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Islamic, Hindu, or other. It really doesn't matter since all are praying to the same God. What matters is that our various religious beliefs are based on the presumption of love - a love of God, a love of family, and love for each other. We are all dealing with life to the best of our ability. Denying each other's particular beliefs solves nothing. It only adds to the rancor and misunderstanding that is currently so pervasive in our lives.
There is a better way. We all need to take a step back from our egos and personal agendas and say, "Okay, here I am...and there is the rest of the world. Where do I fit into the universal scheme of things? I'm only one person in this vast morass of humanity - billions of people trying to survive as best they can in an increasingly dangerous and uncertain world. There must be a point to my life, and to my existence." I believe our responsibility is to believe this to be true. But, if we haven't yet found that sense of self and belonging, we need to keep looking! It has taken me over sixty years, but I think I'm finally getting there by expanding my capacity to truly care about others.
On a different occasion with another friend, I said, "I love you." I was even surprised at myself for saying it. Seldom, if ever before, have I said that to another man other than to my own sons, but I meant it with all of my being. This is a person that I have known for only a few years. Yet he too has been loyal to me; and he has been a person that I trust without exception. He deserves my love, and I give it freely without reservation. One day recently we had a rather intense discussion about America's role in the world. "Are we contributing enough to the poverty stricken countries? Are we using too much of the world's natural resources, such as oil and natural gas? Should we be at war in Afghanistan?" At times we strongly disagreed.
About two to three weeks later he told me that he had thought a great deal about that day, and had spent some sleepless nights worrying about the strength of our friendship - would it endure? Oh, yes! I don't always have to agree with my friends or they with me. Perhaps love and friendship are the only things that we truly own.
Real love is free. It's unconditional. That makes love an extremely liberating emotion! The perception of everybody loving everybody is overwhelmingly powerful! I wonder about the magnificent benefit to humanity if that concept became universally accepted and adopted.
Horace Mann said, "You should be ashamed to die before making a positive contribution for the benefit of mankind." That's a powerful statement. Without true concern, caring, and love for others, we have little hope of achieving an admirable or worthwhile life - let alone leave a legacy of value behind.
On September 25th I flew to East Africa for the fifth time - just two weeks after the World Trade Center and Pentagon terrorist attacks that occurred on the day that I was originally scheduled to fly to Nairobi, Kenya. Many people thought I was taking a real risk by traveling at that time. As it turned out it was a very successful trip, even though it was very difficult for me both physically and emotionally. Two of my flights were cancelled - my traveler's checks disappeared - my schedule was totally disrupted - and we started bombing Afghanistan while I was in Uganda. Will I return to Africa? Well, upon arriving home I had my doubts. Now, I have had the opportunity to re-examine my thoughts, doubts, and fears. I will return.
America is now forever changed. We recognize the need to acknowledge and combat the terrorism that has pervaded our country. We have no choice... and there is a great sadness in that. The goodness of it all is that we have experienced a vastly expanded sense of caring for our country and for each other.
When in Kampala, Uganda I was waiting for fifteen-year old Rachel to be summoned to the head mistress's office. I wondered how she was getting along, and how well she was doing with her studies. This was my third visit with her. Suddenly she burst through the door with a huge grin on her face and ran right into my arms! That was worth all of the effort, worry, fear, and exhaustion of my entire trip to East Africa! Slowly but surely my altruistic purpose for founding GTL is being expanded with an acknowledgement and happy acceptance of the fact that Growth Through Learning now has 88 scholarship recipients. But, we are not just a money-tree. We are a truly caring organization of people that is trying its best to make a positive contribution. That makes our efforts ever so much more gratifying and personal. Perhaps that is why I am working as hard as ever to make a difference.
It is a wonderful opportunity for me to meet and talk with those girls that Growth Through Learning is supporting. During my fifteen-day trip I hugged 61 of them and visited twenty of their schools! There is no quicker way to bring a smile to a young person's face than to encourage them and to give them a hug. That's what it's all about. It is important that we know that our effort and contributions are benefiting those who both need and deserve our support. That's why I return to Africa - and what I invariably receive in return is total gratitude, and yes... love.
One of our scholarship requirements is that we ask the girls to send us a thank you note in recognition of our support. The salutation on many of them is "Dear Father." At first this was rather disconcerting. But most of these kids don't have fathers. If I (and more importantly the supporters of Growth Through Learning) now have many African daughters, then we are accomplishing part of our goal. And we are all the richer because of it.
It is time to both understand and accept the close proximity of the people of this world. We can no longer deny the intimate contact between our different cultures and beliefs. The sooner we accept our common human condition, the better. Where would these girls be without us? Let us acknowledge that each and every one of them is ultimately as precious and important to the world as our own children or grandchildren. After this past trip to Africa I was reminded once again that that is exactly what we are doing!
It costs us nothing to offer our love. In fact, there is probably no greater reward from life than to love, because the more you give the more you receive in return.
Last modified: Apr 28, 2002, 12:16 EDT